eighteen

the waves were great today, but it didn't work out to be on them.  that's  fine with me.  i went to the beach with the tall man to watch the surfers.  after watching, the water was just too inviting.  being in the ocean is like immersing myself in an elixir.  i am always healed.  the homesickness, the culture shock, has been rinsed off of me.  i can bathe in the same water that envelopes the land that i've known as home...home in my bones.  

i can imagine the cave girls that lived thousands of years ago moving from cave to cave, hunting ground to hunting ground, always searching for survival (or maybe just seasonal vacation spots).  how much easier it must have been to understand the interconnectedness of all places when she could count the paces.  how much better she felt each home blending into the next to create a world of home through the flexing of her thighs.  how much intimacy she must have created with each plant, each rock, each fallen leaf through the speaking skin of her feet.  how much commitment she must have felt to the water that she swam in naked and vulnerable.  

so, after the engagement with the waves, i headed to a field where i played with my wolf-dog.  with my skirt dancing in the breeze of our own making, i took in the land with large strides.  it is all the same, this home of mine.  it stretches out in all directions, reaching back onto itself, back in time and forward in my imagination.  i am home always.

this evening, i played tug-of-war with the tall man's akita.  she is beautiful.  she is fully dog in a way that i strive to be fully human.  i felt her strength.  i felt my own.  i was unafraid.  i am a cave girl.

B: coffee, blueberries

L: blueberries, peach, scrambled eggs, salmon, zucchini, tomatoes, red onions, garlic, and avocadoes with a sprinkling of black, lava salt and more coffee

S: a couple squares of....wait for it...chocolate (i know!)

D: hamburger patty with caramelized onions, mushrooms and a salad with blue cheese dressing (stranger danger, stranger danger!!!), with dark chocolate and sea salt covered almonds

the boy is far too teenagered out these days.  the video games and the anime have him completely hypnotized.  i realize also how much time and with what difficulty it will take to change his diet.  setting a goal to change someone else's behavior was probably not the "surest thing".

i've allowed myself quite a bit of rest this week, but i feel very ready to dial up the intensity.